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I feel like I could explain a bit better via journal. And I'm probably gonna upset a few people for this fucking shit. I'm already fucking afraid I'll fuck up YET AGAIN.
Every time I say I'm uncomfortable with something to someone or one of my friends, they get upset and/or offended.This happened fucking twice now in the past fucking month.
The reason this time is because I have trouble roleplaying with people who are a bit younger than me now, as I got older I started feeling guilty and disgusting roleplaying my obsessions with people younger than me by a few years, and my stomach aches and my head calls me a creep and disgusting in the back of my head, making me feel like total SHIT. And plus I thought to myself "What if they regret roleplaying with me in the future? I don't want them to live with that."
And I confirmed this to a friend and I made upset because of how much I suck at fucking words....I AM NOT going to mention their dA, because I do NOT want people attacking them for something they can't control...
I'm not trying to discriminate ANYONE for their age...It's just I get so uncomfortable and I don't know why....it's fucking unfair.
And now I'm afraid to even share if I get uncomfortable ever again because of this. I am sick of hurting my friends/others accidentally, I'm sick of feeling like shit, I'm sick of feeling like a fucking bitch for having a comfort and guilt level now.
I probably fucking offended someone just now with this journal and fucked up even more... I wish I lost my emotions of guilt and discomfort instead of the ones that I want to feel again.
I don't even know what to do now.....I'm fucking crying and hurting because I don't know what to do anymore when I feel uncomfortable. I HATE hurting people unintentionally....
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